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Graduation! Finally wearing the robe..	[May. 22nd, 2012\|11:15 pm]
Yet another milestone achieved! I have attained a diploma in Business Studies! Entering into business school when i thought was impossible back in secondary. I write this post as a remembrance to myself to give myself some credit! To celebrate success! Sometimes i feel like i dont give myself enough credit. Maybe it is because whatever i do, seems insufficient. Its like when i complete something i will think, "nehh no big deal" despite the sweat and tears shed during the process. Maybe i got amnesia. So thinking back these past years, it was a long path for me to get where i am today. It took me 6 years after my O Levels to get this diploma! I say.. it is worth it because its the school of business that i dreamed of! Ngee Ann Poly... what should i say? Well 1stly, it is freaking far from my home!! It was such a struggle going back and forth, took me 90mins to reached! The 2 years of travelling is badd because the circle line opened and it took me 1 hr to reached! Travelling is one of the things that totally drained alot of energy for me. Heavy laptop, packed mrt, packed bus. Urgh. Im glad that the last yr of poly turned for the better. It was a breeze to travel to and fro.... And for the learning process itself... whoa whoa whoa! Lectures go really fast. Tutorials are flashing infront of you. Projects are crazy. Deadlines after another. And whenever exams are coming.. that when the real emotional madness comes in. Being someone who is not entirely good at memorising and horrible and calculation, it was horrible! Sometimes when it seems too much all i can do is cry and pray for strength and patience. Honestly, every exam i always thought i would fail. Especially those maths related stuff. But i am proud that i have not failed any subject and did fairly well, some better than expected! Definitely on par with me. You have to be realistic with your expectations dont you? Making new friends are definitely the icing on a cake! They are the ones that make poly bearable! I am blessed to have them, whom i can rely on and worked well with. Of course they are some intense moments but that normal aint it. Each of us wants the best. I have no regrets and my life here at Ngee Ann with the people i met are cherished. Mistakes are learned, success is shared. Lets us head into the next chapter of our lives, reaching another milestone for ourself. I learned that no matter how big or small the success is, it is meant to be celebrated and shared. Thats how you grow strong to face challenges in life.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 22nd, 2012\|09:50 pm]
My favourite musical instrument. Seruling. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEaspY-Sam8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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This life is not ours	[Jan. 22nd, 2012\|08:38 pm]
One day when i was in deep thought, i wondered.. How blessed am i to be born in singapore, to have a wonderful family and live a good comfortable life. I dont face the pressure of being horrible discriminated about gender, i dont have to face wars, i dont face food shortages, i dont face bad weather, i dont face natural disasters. Here i am sitting comfortable in my own room, with all the necessary things in life. I have a laptop, a tv, a radio, a bed, a fan. I can eat whenever i want to. I can pee, shit, shower comfortably. I can sit in the living room with my parents, laugh at stupid shows. I can go out and feel safe. I can walk leisurely see happy children playing. I can go home late and not worry so much about robbers or whatever. I have the opportunity to go to school, to take comfortable rides to school. I have bus, lrt and mrt to get to my destination. If im lucky, i may get a ride from my dad. I get to eat outside, eat fast food, eat at restaurants, eat delicious food. I can shop the things i want. I can watch movie, i can play arcade games. I have places to hang out with friends and family. I can be friends with different races eat different kinds of food. I can do my hobbies, paint, sew or whatever seems to be my hobby at that point of time. How blessed i am to be born into this religion. To be a muslim and be taught about the great values that islam teaches. So i then wondered.... does leading such a good life means that my soul is weak? To what extend of the things that i have done benefit my soul or that Allah sees me as a good human being/good muslim? People living in harsh environment, where they have wars and diseases and all the other things i dont have... do they see God better? Is their belief stronger? Do they please god more?...... It made me think about how selfish i am. Even though i dont boost around, i mean before, i dont think there is anything to boost about since i feel like what i have is normal. But now as i think about it, what is normal? Normal for Singaporeans? But its not normal at all for other parts of the world. They dont have this much comfort that i have. All i see is the horrible images on video, on the news, on pictures but do i ever really think about it and in my soul did i feel the effect of it. Did i really appreciate, i mean really really really appreciate what i have? If u think about it, u have been spared of the life that u could lead. Its like living in a dumpster all ur life, and u pray and pray that someday u will be save from all the crap that u lived through. However, its just that its u dont experience it. U are born into a place that is heavenly (as compared to those places). How can, u tak advantages of something just because u are being born into this life? How can u take advantage and feel like its ur life? How can it be ur life when u have got nothing to do about where u are born into? We are just born into it. We are just living it. But this life is not ours. Its not for us. For believers, its always meant for God.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 21st, 2012\|08:54 pm]
I feel free. I feel like i can breathe again. I feel beautiful and smart and happy. I can do whatever i wanted. I dont feel dependent on someone else for my happiness. I can be moody whenever i feel like it. I can do my work whenever i want to. I dont need to wait around for me to be happy. My future seemed open, bright and big. I dont feel burdened by u. I dont feel guilty because of u.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 20th, 2012\|01:45 pm]
Was watching tv and this song came up. It is exactly what am i feeling. Such a coincidence isnt it.
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Graduating thoughts	[Jan. 18th, 2012\|07:17 pm]
Whoa hoo. I hv just 1 more month to the end of poly life! Can u believe that?! This moment is finally about to come. Right now, all that i have to do is 2 projects, and 2 exams. Im quite afraid of FEV because its another calculation module. So far i have always done a not so good job with all calculation exams. I pass tho. I pray that with this FEV i will made it through. I have slightly 3 weeks till this exam so i do hv the time to study. Afterall, all this while i hv 4-5 modules! My graduation day is 21 May so i have 2 months of waiting till my official leave from school and then it will be Hello to working world! What i will be working as will kinda be a blur because i dnt knw exactly what industry that i want to join. If i want to just collect and save money, i dont hv to be choosy right. Tahan for like 2 years and i shall follow my dream! Insyaallah. For now... i shall just finish up my projects, study for exams and then shall think about it. Eh go for family holiday 1st!! Totally looking forward to it!
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how strong is our foundation	[Sep. 24th, 2011\|12:40 am]
In a month time, i will start my last semester of poly education, insyaAllah. Im really proud of myself to be able to get this far smoothly as i never thought that i could actually be in poly after my o levels or after ITE. But alhamdullilah i got in. So now i shall fast forward abit of my thoughts about graduating and my plans after that. If i really2 think about it, the thought of me wearing that robe, i feel like crying. Graduating with a diploma is simply amazing. some people may feel like its just a diploma but i would want to recognise each of my efforts in life. what matters is my own standards and not matching or satisfying other people standards. Because if it is the latter, it will never end. I will never be happy. To me, being satisfied and pleased with ourself is the most important step for us to achieve more and to have that strength to strive on. Ironic isnt it to be thinking that way, u may say. How can i be stronger, how can i achieve more if i am simply satisfied with what i have done. how can i, if i dont strive to match/meet other people standards? 1stly i feel that being satisfied with our own achievements, builds up that core strength and foundation for more things in life. U cant build a skycraper without a really strong foundation. If u just want to be the tallest building in the word, record breaking tallest building in the world, u cant simply just build up and up and up. u need something strong. something solid to hold u there. if u are not happy with yourself no matter what u do, it will never be good enough. its like a person who feels down, feels not good in their body for that day, and no matter how good the make up is, how expensive the dress is, they still wont feel good. If u feel good, a simple shirt and jeans can make u feel like a queen. We cannot live our lives for other people.How can we think of others if we do not think for ourselves 1st? We must be strong and healthy in order for us to take care of others better. So that does not mean, we can simply be stagnant. It is necessary to upgrade ourself and improve but that can be many forms. skills, mental strength, physical strength, education. we must remember that to upgrade ourself does not only go one way. it comes in many many forms. Its about empowering yourself so you can head on to the world challenges confidently. We must know how to balance our life, our mindset and our beliefs.This way, we not only strengthen our foundation, our core, our heart but also able us go higher and stronger more confidently.
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(no subject)	[Sep. 20th, 2011\|09:39 pm]
I wonder really. i have never really gottten to understand the meaning of love. Yes sometimes i do agree that i feel love for someone or feel loved from someone but i must admit that it feels like its for the moment. Like something nice happens for that immediate moment. Lust u may say? well i dont even know myself. Because i feel like i have alot more to learn. People always say that u just know it when you love someone. So i ask this to my heart, do u know? do u feel it? And somehow in a whisper my heart says yes. With that my mind asked my heart how can u love someone that hurt u? I know the same person as u and i dont think i love the person. The minds starts giving all the answers to my heart. The mind complains that it cant think without having the person voice telling what to do, jugding it for what it is thinking. telling it that it is wrong. The heart just listens and cant say anything. for the heart cant think like the mind can. the heart just feels what it feels. and right now the heart feels really hurt. It feels like it got betrayed, cheated and been taken advantage off. it got shocked but what happen and it got scared by what it has become that night. The heart and mind now just is in silence not knowing what to do. But they know that the person, that the heart and mind is thinking of right now are not in the same page. They cant have the final decision to decide. What needs to be decided is the soul. The soul knows what it needs. The soul knows where it needs to go. And the soul answered.... I need some rest. I need to get close to Allah 1st before anything else.
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(no subject)	[Sep. 14th, 2011\|12:35 am]
Today i went out with my parents and my older brother. As we are otw to compass point for me to re contract my line (which was an upsetting news) we were talking about 'communicating' with the ang moh or whatever persons who think they are so big shot because of their race or their postion on the company. U see, my dad is a a driver, having his own business in transportation who drives crews to and fro places in singapore. He drives ALL kinds of people from all over the world so he have quite a fair share of experience relating to different people. My older brother is going overseas soon for his internship in America so obviously he has to deal with americans. Thus this have brought the topic of dealing with people from different kind. My dad who have dealt with many Americans before so advises to speak to them in a diplomatic and calm manner. No matter how stupid they may sound, giving them reasons that are right and diplomatic will usually shut them up. they dont argue unnecesarrily and bring up even more stupid reasons. An example was when one caucasion was complaining to my dad how his country can hold on to their passports and dont need to hand to my dad and whatever he was complaining about. Then my dad simply said, " when in rome, do as the romans do." Haha! and that totally shut them up! wish that can happen in singapore regarding the china workers. gosh they are so thick skin. WE have to accustomed to them instead! RAWR. So anyways... And u know how people with position can be so arrogant. Thinking they are always right and that they have the world at the tip of their fingers. My dad will have non of that even so call ur postion is higher than him, or ur pay is much much higher. He told us, the rig big boss asked my dad where is the van to picked us up. He took out his hp to show the time which was 4.10pm and they are already late. Then my dad took out his phone and show HIS time and said "but my fon is not 4 yet.." buaahahaha and with that he cant say anything else. So what if u are 'bigger'. u want to be bossy to ur staff then fine its ur own company hierachy but if u are working if someone outside, then treat with respect..
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(no subject)

[Aug. 22nd, 2011|12:37 am]

For each of us eventually, whether we are ready or not,
someday it will come to an end

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes no hours or days.

All the treasures that u collected, treasured or forgotten
will be passed on to someone else.

Ur wealth, fame and power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will matter to what u owe or owed, your grudges,
resentments, frustrations and jealousy will finally disappear.

So too your hopes, ambitions and plan, to do list will
expire.

The limbs and loses that were so important will fade away.

It will not matter where u live or on what side of the track
that u stayed on.

It will not matter whether u are beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant.

So what will matter is how the value of your days are
measured.

What will matter is not what u bought but what u built.

Not what u got but what i gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what u learned but what u taught.

What will matter is your act of integrity, compassion,
courage or sacrifice that enriches or empower

others to emulate your examples.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people u lose but how many
people will feel a lasting

lost when u are gone.

What will matter are not your memories, but those memories
that live in those who loved u.

Our lives lived that matter is not of circumstance but of
choice.

- taken from a documentary The Beautiful Truth on youtube.
very impactful.

yes i listen and type in down for me to read it and take in slowly what it means.

and for those to read without watching the video.

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